Saturday, May 23, 2015

Where have I been?

No matter what I do my attempt to return to what i consider normal is often met my well meaning family who feel that i need to keep those feelings to my self.

As we were going up I thought the catch phrase " What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" was created by my father.

He was always telling what happens at home stays at home.  Please understand we were not abuse in any way however if the family struggles with some issues what ever they may have been.  We did not talk about it.........    Outside the home.

Now as my sisters and I have our own home sometimes we do not include each other in everything that goes on in our individual homes.   My sister often says to me " I do not tell you everything that I have been through"   I completely understand!  They same goes for me there are something just to painful to think about  so why relive them by talking about them.   Each have found successful coping techniques that help us to stay sane.

so I write stuff like this:

 Lost in the darkness of negativity created by the circumstances that  I live in.

For a while I have been feeling like attempting to climb out of the dark hole is next to impossible but last month I started to see the light and recently I felt the edge of the hole.  Knowing I was almost out the darkness and feeling the welcoming the light and warmth on my face.    Which gave me the energy to pull my self out of the darkness.

My arms and legs are tired from the effort needed to make the climb from darkness to light.

The Light is warm and comforting.

As I look around myself things are not that much better but the light has made things clearer to me and easier for me to clean up the mess around myself.

 If I continue to bask in the light of the releif i will extend my thanks to those who show me where the light existed.

I have learned not to be an enabler of destructive forces around me regardless of my love for that person or persons.

I protect my family to the best of my ability and always will.   I ask that Jehovah strengthen me and  keep a bright light my goals and to understand that they are right in front of me.   ~~

Empathy I feel your pain in my heart.   This was in our bible study on Tuesday  that needs to be put in a frame and put on a wall.

However it causes me pain to know that you now feel my pain.    See the circle!    How to break that circle of pain?









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