Wednesday, April 16, 2008

crying on the inside.

Sunday, April 13,2008 @ 1:00 in the afternoon. My Uncle Bennie died.

He has been battling lung cancer for years. But the did not stop him from drinking or from smoking. When he had an stomach ulcer he stop drinking and when he had to use oxygen he stop smoking.

He looked like my dad, his brother. He talked like him and acted like him. He was always willing to listen when I did call him. I looked forward to his visits and I enjoyed visiting him. Any trips to or near MS I always visited him.

My father died of lung cancer. No bleeding, no Stroke he just died because the cancer was taking over. I remember sitting on my father hospital bed and him telling me that he felt guilty for his cancer. He felt that he had let all his daughters down and disappointed each of them by dying. I held his hand and told him that he had given us a firm foundation on which to build our lives. His words will always be with us to guide us and he did nothing wrong. He squeezed my hand and then he let it go. It was days later before he did die.

My dad took the time to learn what each of his daughters like to do. With me it was drawing or anything creative. He used to buy me the paint my number sets. I really like doing them. He always hung up the finish pictures on the wall in his room. With Stacey she like Jacks. He would sit on the floor with her and they would play strict game of Jacks. She loved that. With Bridget they talked alot together. Especially when everyone else had moved out and she still lived at home. Jodanelle he took her everywhere he went when she was a child. During the time he spent with us he talked to us about how we should be treated by men. Why is was important to be able to take care of ourselves. Most importantly stay close to your sisters. There are times when his words ring in my ears.

I was watching a video the other day and it was a daughter singing to her father. It made me cry on the inside.

Title of the song "YOU CAN LET GO NOW DADDY" by Crystal Shawanda

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